Have you ever run mad? You know, angry. Not rabid, usually, "just" angry.
I was pondering this while on the treadmill this morning. It's no particular secret that I've struggled to maintain any semblance of a training discipline over the past, oh, year+. And I've been thinking lately about what the causes have been. I've had injuries. Certainly I'm traveling more than I have in a couple of years. Work has been stressful and at times has required very long hours. Finances are -- well, in this economy.... My sleep has been periodically inconsistent. All good reasons, really. But not new. I've trained for marathons with all of the above in play (except for perhaps injuries).
So, what's different?
Then I looked at my face reflected in the blank tv monitor before me. I looked mad. I was kinda startled by the look on my face. I mean, I hate running on the treadmill, but this look was intense. There are various reasons why I was angry this morning. The reasons aren't important. But I realized that part of what motivated me to get out of my room this morning and get some exercise was that I needed to process some anger. So I did.
Oh, so why haven't I been running? I think it may be because I'm happy. Day to day, I'm happy. There may be periodic anger -- like this morning -- but in the main I've found a life that enriches me. Happiness has stolen the fuel that made me run.
Who knows what this insight will bring? I'd like to believe now that I've "figured this all out" that I'll be able to get back on track (pardon the pun) and get in the five to six workouts per week that I need to train for upcoming events. I'm not naive, though; I know myself better than that. Maybe, just maybe I can find a new motivation for my workouts. Maybe celebrating what is new, joyous and healing in my life will be sufficient to get me moving.
Failing that, I can always ponder the latest slight, Atlanta traffic, or the abysmal state of DC sports. Any or all should do the trick.
But hopefully, the next time you see me out pounding the pavement, you'll see a smile on my face. If so, I'll have found new fuel.
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One of my friends once told me that she would start running when she saw a runner that looked happy ;). I think we get so deep in thought that we end up with furrowed brows.
I love Nike's new tagline - 'Believe in the Run'. It's there for you and will serve whatever purpose you need that day, whether it's letting off steam, being angry, or just being joyful that you can be outside celebrating something you love.
I'm glad you found your way back!
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